I might be wrong, but I doubt it….

So then, next episode in my search for a ‘soulmate’

Once I had uploaded and published my photographs, within an hour I had 24 men selecting to meet me and bizarrely 1 woman?? Erm….. had to check I’d pressed the right button (searching for men) after noticing that…

I started doing my chores for a while, came back and, to my astonishment, the initial amount of people had risen to 85 men – still 1 female????

Then I decided to grab the bull by the horns, metaphorically of course, and decided to ‘hit the market’.

If you have never had to look at a dating site, you are to be commended for finding your partner/ spouse all by yourself……round of applause…… However for some of us it has become quite a challenge through one reason or another, usually because we just cannot be arsed to go out hunting for it – me included – therefore we ( probably naively) allow a computer to generate a match for us!!!!

What can I say? on inspecting said profiles it was blatantly obvious that a few porkies were being told!!!  (Aaaaaaand that would be where my cynically Millie pseudonym stepped right on up)

There is a section on all profile pages where you might ‘like to write about yourself’ this would be the section I head toward….

‘ I’m a nice guy really’ is a very popular line in these areas….. my thought straight away is ‘mmmm modest much?’  with a close second of ‘What ya fuckin’ doing on here then?’

‘Must like children’ another regular statement, my initial thoughts are as long as they’re medium/medium rare. Even then, couldn’t eat a whole one; followed by ‘does this mean they have been left with 4 – 5 kids and really what they’re after is a bloody nanny?’

Some self descriptions are quite hilarious, when ‘an athletic physique’ describes some scrawny little dude, the word skeletal comes to my mind…. I like a bit of meat on my men!….

‘Free thinker!’  As opposed to being charged for them…Ermmmm!!!! Yep…. that’s what we all do.. We are British you know!!!

Ethnicity.. Not racist….. Cynical Millie says ‘ that’s probably because I’ll settle for  just about anything at this point’.

Some others:

‘GSOH’ –  I must say, at first I thought this was a spelling mistake, which would join a lot of the others, until I realised it meant good sense of humour. This is quite a generalized saying as *clears throat* that would depend on your type of humour, if you are the type of person that plays childish pranks then I would not find that funny in the least.

‘Must like dogs’ – If you look through my profile, it does say I have a dog! Weirdly, in my head, I’m thinking this may be some secret coded word for a sexual fetish…..

Some men have decided to write ‘I would like to meet a ‘nice’ lady with NO BAGGAGE!!!’ Are you fuckin’ kidding me???? I can hear myself talking like my nan at this point “If, young man, you have not had some form of baggage at my age then you are either self centered and do not give a shit, or you’ve been locked away in a padded room somewhere!!!”

Another feature added to this site is personal messaging. Some of these dudes really have no scruples, straight forward questions. Generally I am happy with this, there are, however, exceptions! one being sex…. just to put it out there guys, NO! NO! and ERRRR!!! Definitely NOT!

 

Really?

To continue my quest to find companionship.

After filling all the mandatory fields on said dating site – most being the usual, you know eye colour, hair colour, height, weight, shoe size, pubic hair…… oh wait!!! ….. different site…

Anyway after all the relevant, and irrelevant information, it then suggests you may stand more of a chance of meeting someone, if you upload some photographs, that’s no problem I thought to myself.. onward to the next stage…

The site suggested 8 to 16 images…..WHAAAAA!!!!!

Who the fuck has 8 – 16 photos of themselves?…. Maybe I should rephrase that question – Who the fuck has that many photos of themselves they are willing to publish on a dating site? Nearly all my pictures have family in them,they are personal; the others look like I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards!!

After sifting through, I found 3, fairly ok photos then took the plunge and up they went. In my opinion if you are so shallow to need a port folio, my life story, my financial history and my psychiatric state (surprised it did not ask my preferred sexual position or any fetishes I may have?) to decide if I’m good enough to meet, then fuck you and jog on mate, that would make you unsuitable for me!!!

‘Hi, I’m Millie. How much do you earn a year?’

Reaching nearly 50 has been an experience (quite often challenging) and has had a lot – again, a lot of ups and downs. I have no idea how I have reached this age but here I am… Phew!!

I am not going to dwell on the downs in my life – everybody does that..BOOORING!!! However I will share the funny, sometimes quirky views on my life experiences. In the end, not one of us gets out alive so you just have to laugh!!

From a young age, I believe I’ve always had a different view of life and how things work. I’ve always been WAY too honest for my own good.. A bully? maybe… Outspoken? opinionated?… Definitely!!!

At this time in my life I find myself joining a dating agency; a very popular, free ( because I hate to pay for anything!) site.

It has taken me 2 days to join, not because I am a computer virgin, but because of all the details it wants me to enter. Surely if I were ever to meet anyone from this site I, for one would have absolutely nothing left to talk about. The other party would know it all!!

Why, in goddess sake does it need to know my parents’ marital status? Or whether I have siblings?

This may be a good time to remind them, I am 49 years of age…Who fuckin’ cares?

Also, my annual income – Really?? My headline ‘Independent Woman’, should indicate that I do not, ever, wish to rely on anybody else and vice-versa, financially or otherwise!!

I might add, that although there are a lot of unscrupulous people in the world, not all of us are…it’s infuriating!!!

I would try not to judge anyone for their efforts in earning their own money, no matter the amount, in these times, the fact they work for it is quite refreshing.

Most certainly, if I met someone ‘face to face’ the first words out of my mouth would not be ‘Hi I’m Millie, how much do you earn a year?’